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More important than whether you can actually afford earrings that cost more than four years of college tuition, or how much use you’d really get out of a gold-filled necklace that doubles as a vibrator, are the imaginative conversations each of these Goopland creations elicit: who would spend $2,000 on a rose quartz checkers set they’ll never play, and what room is the best place to light a “Smells Like My Vagina” candle?
In fact, the Goop gift guide might make the perfect conversation to have over a romantic Valentine’s dinner, perhaps topped off by Paltrow-approved Roe Caviar.
Thankfully, there are also more realistic gift ideas on this year’s list — ones that don’t cost more than $100 and will still make you feel like the type of person to have a chic LSD trip in the name of self care.
Below, shop the best pieces from Goop’s Valentine’s Gift Guide.
24-Karat Gold Razor Set
24 karats is impressive for jewelry but even more so when it’s a gold razor set, a surefire way to add opulence to your lover’s morning routine. It comes fitted with a famously precise Gillette blade and matching gold stand.
Edie Parker Checkers in Rose Quartz
Game night just became a lot more chic. This gorgeous rose quartz checkers set deserves prime bookshelf real estate, whether you fancy yourself a game night aficionado or not. Display it next to your coffee table books in the living room, or bring it out on a special occasion for guests.
Roe Caviar White Sturgeon Caviar Gift Set
Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to indulge in the finest food, and according to Goop that means white sturgeon caviar (with no preservatives or additives, naturally). Sustainably farmed in California, the roe boast a rich, exceptional flavor. Plus, the gorgeous wooden box even comes packed with a mother-of-pearl spoon to ensure every part of your dining experience is up to Goop standards.
Jillian Dempsey Lip Locket Necklace
This Hollywood-loved lip locket (created by jewelry designer Jillian Dempsey, wife of Patrick Dempsey) is part-beauty product, part-jewelry, fitting different hues of a sheer Lip Tint inside the argyle-patterned locket.
Everdure The Cube Portable Grill
Fire up the grill literally anywhere with this ultra-portable (and ultra-adorable) charcoal grill. It’s even packed with a prep table and storage tray so you can get your mise en place wherever you are.
Kama Sutra Dinner Napkins
Bring the sexual energy into the dining room with these playful table napkins, designed with abstract illustrations of the four Kama Sutra sex positions.
Higherdose Infrared Sauna Blanket
Forget face masks and jade rollers. To bring the spa to your home in Goopland means nothing short of an in-bed sauna, made possible by this infrared blanket layered with amethyst, tourmaline and charcoal.
The Hollywood-loved SolaWave, which stars often use ahead of carpets and premieres, delivers four separate treatments for an at-home facial utilizing microcurrent, red-light therapy, vibrating facial massage and therapeutic warmth. Celebrity makeup artist Sheika Daley says of the Solawave: “I like the way that it shrinks the pores and really gives the skin an additional contour, especially in the concaves of the cheekbones and underneath. That really helps when you put foundation on top, the skin is already highlighted and moisturized and it just makes for easy application.”
Aquis Flip Hair Drying Tool
Achieve shiny hair and less frizz without applying heat thanks to this miracle hair towel, which uses its super soft and absorbent texture to soak up water faster than a regular towel, also using a unique copper-infused weave that works as an antimicrobial treatment between washes.
Chanel Black Lambskin Classic Flap 10″
No description necessary for Chanel. This classic one has all the signature accoutrements: diamond quilting, double C-clasp closure and leather-threaded chain strap.
‘This Smells Like My Vagina’ Candle
If something claims to smell like a vagina but really has a scent that is more of a mix between bergamot and cedar, then you can be rest assured that you have one of the best Goop products in hand. The best-selling “This Smells Like My Vagina” candle is still available to buy on the site, but the newest products in the lineage include this ceramic air freshener, in addition to successive candles like “This Smells Like My Prenup” and “This Smells Like My Orgasm.” Check out more of the best candles to gift this year here.
Womanizer Golden Moments Collection
It isn’t a Goop gift guide without one (or 24) vibrators on the list. Choose between the site’s dozens of curated options based on your own preferences or indulge in of their more high-end picks, which uses red light, vibration and gentle warmth to simulate pleasure. Plus, you can pair it with the Joylux Gold App to easily adjust settings without reaching for the controls.
Crave Vesper Vibrator Necklace
You’ll likely have many realizations sifting through a Goop gift guide and today’s discovery, thanks to Crave, may be how much you needed a vibrator that doubles as a necklace. Made out of stainless steel and finished in 24-karat gold, this sleek bullet-shaped pendant has four speeds and two modes so you can transition from a night out to a night in with zero fuss. It doesn’t get more Goop than that.
Maison Essentiele ’90s It-Girl Constrast Cami
This silk cami, featuring a delicate gathering at the bust and a hip-length hem works as a pajama top, playful lingerie or a sexy blouse.
Foundrae Oversized Mixed Clip Chain With Engravable Heart
The New York-based luxury jewelry brand Foundrae is a staple in the jewelry boxes of the most stylish celebs, and for good reason. This chunky, 18-inch chain, made up of round links and paperclip links, has a romantic touch perfect for Valentine’s Day, outfitted with an engravable heart pendant.
La Doublej Dessert Plate, Set of 6
If you’re shopping for someone with more traditional expectations, these gorgeous porcelain dessert plates should do the trick. Each plate showcases unique designs, but together create a cohesive collection done up with geometric motifs in blues, greens and guava.
Where Should We Begin – A Game of Stories
No one knows how to forge healthy relationships better than Esther Perel. The acclaimed psychotherapist released her own card game last year after she noticed a level of social atrophy during the pandemic. The cards have varying levels of intimate prompt meant to foster connection, whether on a date night or chill hang-out with friends.
If your partner doesn’t necessarily need an infrared sauna blanket, you can gift them a restful night of sleep with these luxe sleep masks made out of silk. Choose between classic black or more colorful options such as red and pink.
Vitruvi Move Diffuser
The Move Diffuser wins for the most practical gift on this year’s Goop guide. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have all the extravagant bells and whistles that earned it a spot on the list. The diffuser is cordless and runs on a rechargeable battery, meaning you can display it anywhere in the house without worrying about finding an outlet, while a long battery life promises four hours of constant diffusing or eight hours of intermittent diffusing.